didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
