she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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