so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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