dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think i have two assholes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
