it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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