Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize