I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
