Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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