how can u be prego again
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
