Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
