just survived the first fart of the relationship.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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