She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize