I am in a vortex of obligation.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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