Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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