may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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