Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
