Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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