Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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