youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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