i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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