4 words: hood of his car
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize