You're my little dorito
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
