He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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