Having a random hookup so left but love u
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
