strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
