If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
