By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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