I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
