Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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