My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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