They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize