a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
