Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
