i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
