her vagine was all disorganized.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
