omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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