I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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