So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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