hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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