: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
