He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
