cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
