I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize