I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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