you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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