Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
