she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
