On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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