i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
