things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I believe in your delicious
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
