Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
