...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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