I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
