I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
