my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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