just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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