It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
