dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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