i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So vagazzling was a success
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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