i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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