so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
