If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
