I think im going to throw up on grandma
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
