If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
