I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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