Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
