If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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