you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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