Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
